Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
