Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
