He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
