The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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