how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
