Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
