So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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