im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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