I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
