So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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