If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
