you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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