Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
