I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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