wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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