She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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