Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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