Apparently you make a good broom.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
