I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
