bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
