Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
