dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
