My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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