I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
