"it" just moved
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
