i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
