Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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