It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
