I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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