problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bring me that man meat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
