Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
