You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
