Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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