I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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