I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
