I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
