He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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