was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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