You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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