I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just shotgunned beers for America
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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