I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
