The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
