he puts the penis in happiness.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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