Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
