I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
