Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
