Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
