i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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