'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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