i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want her autograph on my taint
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
