Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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