4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
